REAL marriage advice…from a crummy husband who’s trying to do better

When I can’t write about anything, I tend to vent.  Maybe today is not a good day to do it, as I’m feeling extremely depressed (yes, writers tend to get depressed) and I would rather be split open at the navel and pumped full of acetylene than read some of the drivel which qualifies for pop culture these days.

One of the items irking me has been this wildly popular article a man wrote about how marriage doesn’t work, or something to that effect.  The mere inability to remember the actual content should speak volumes,  but I am too annoyed with this online schlock to not respond.

I don’t fancy myself an expert on marriage…hell, I cant even claim the mantle of fidelity guru, but I can offer some genuinely honest advice on how to stay married, and this isn’t “coffee table book” platitudes, this is down-and-dirty, kiss-It-Drs. Phil and Laura sort of advice

Be ready for anything.  The fun thing about marriage is it can be an adventure.  The downside is you usually feel like you’re hanging on for dear life.  Being married requires a sense of fatalism that would make Stonewall Jackson stand up and salute.

Use free alone time wisely, not so much productively.  It sounds idiotic,  but most of us married folks have to figure out how to enjoy free time.  Hobbies are vital, as is knowing what your genuine likes are.  If you’re married and have no hobbies, the time to get one is yesterday.  A “honey-do” list doesn’t qualify.

Forget any example your married-100-years grandparents set.  It doesnt apply.  In this era of dual incomes, the hardest thing for a woman to do is get ahead in a man’s world.  Of course, the hardest thing for a man to do is cope with a wife who earns more and has experienced greater career success.

Fidelity still counts.  Coming from me, this is a highly hypocritical statement.  That being said, once you find your “one spouse” groove (lets face it, for some it takes time and some monumental gaffes), sticking with it does have some real advantages.

Stop taking everything so seriously.  Whoever wrote Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff was obviously married a while, because a long term marriage requires both sides to take life with a grain of salt.

Laugh…a LOT.  Let’s face it, marriage is a grind.  It tests you, depresses you, angers you, and drives some to non-productive coping mechanisms.  When we find the humor in everyday life, it helps.

Sex.  Its whats for (breakfast, lunch and) dinner. Not talking about animalistic jungle craziness here.  Those of us married long term realize the value of the “quickie.”  Its like a between meal snack when the blood sugar is low.  To borrow the Nike slogan, just do it.

After so many years, it gets a little exclusive.   One year is boilerplate.  Five year is average.   Ten year is on the outside.  Fifteen, well thats where it becomes secret handshake time.  From that point out,  it’s more a select club than a mainstream demographic.

If you think men don’t look,  I’ve got a bridge to sell ya. We look, okay?  Not saying it’s right (it’s not) but it’s reality.  What we men need to learn to do is be stealthy because, lets face it, women look too.  Oh, and lookie, noooo touchie!

Forgive.  Thats it.  Forget is irrelevant.  Humans dont forget hurts and cheats.  But forgiveness often leads to reconciliation.

Yes, Ladies, we ARE that stupid.  Men are hardwired to be morons.  Women get to have bad hair days, so we should get Dumb Married Man Day. Testicles will do that to you.

Guess thats all I have for now.  Ill be posting my weekly podcast tomorrow…you have been warned.

One thought on “REAL marriage advice…from a crummy husband who’s trying to do better

  1. Nicely expressed. Being a former spouse myself, one issue that doesn’t seem to be brought up as much is compatibility. I feel people these days get married for the wrong reasons, not for reasons our grandparents or even great grandparents did. Some are quick to claim they found “the one” while still caught of in the initial euphoria of simply having someone to talk to and share good times with. Naturally, that euphoric feeling makes people put on their best behavior. But once those marriage vows are said, reality kicks in and both individuals become relaxed. Maybe too relaxed. Just my two cents.

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