A Letter to my 1996 Self from my 2015 Self

Dear 1996 Me:

Hello from the future!  Yeah, that’s right, I’m writing you from 2015, and please don’t ask if we have fusion-powered cars like in Back to the Future.  That sort of technology was a pipedream, even though it was pretty cool to think about.  To be honest, the future – at least how you perceive it from your time – is pretty damned cool, but still looked an awful lot like your day.

We still have cars, but they don’t guzzle quite as much gas – the Oil Shock of 2006-2008 kinda helped that along.  Yeah, gas went up to over $4 a gallon in some places.  Hard to believe, huh?  Yeah, they are way more advanced in some ways, but the check engine light still comes on and pops back off when you take it to the mechanic – and Chevy still sucks. Ford did get its act together and relaunched the Mustang and it is sweeeeet!  It’s the ’65 look, though – not that sports-car looking compact you see right now.  And you can forget about the Probe – it’s now the butt of jokes.

Fair warning – disco makes a brief comeback in the late 1990s, and the 1970s fashions are revived around the same time, but they last a lot longer.  Probably all the pot the designers smoked.

Technology is the one thing which is pretty advanced now.  Now, we didn’t go back to the moon, and don’t have warp drive or a cure for all diseases, but the internet really took off.  Of course, now you really can’t meet someone online and expect them to be who you think they are – that went out the window really quick.  Now it’s full of identity thieves, sexual predators and religious fanatics using it to coordinate terrorist attacks.  Yeah, the reminds me – don’t mention the date “9/11/01” around people – stirs up very strong emotions.  You’ll find out soon enough…unfortunately.

We do have cellular phones which anyone can own, take pictures, and don’t cost a trillion dollars to call on – well, the last part only happened in the last five years.

Our economy is “meh.”  We actually wax nostalgically about Bill Clinton’s economic policies, if you can believe it!   The Great Recession hit America pretty hard, and a lot of people lost their homes.  Strangely, the really wealthy made out pretty well in spite of it all.  Go figure.  As for the government, it’s still as dysfunctional as ever and…that’s right…we have our first-ever African-American President!  Of course, a chunk of the country hates his guts, thinks he’s a Marxist, a communist, a muslim. etc. etc. etc.  You know how it is – some folks won’t be happy until a President calls the Civil War as “big ol’ misunderstanding” and reinstates Jim Crow.  Congress is, well, Congress.  The Republicans lost it to the Democrats who, of course, ran it into the ground with great effectiveness, only to lose it to Republicans who, as always, continue the Dems work and keep right on diggin!

The 2000 Election was settled by the Supreme Court…not spoiling the winner on it, but suffice it to say Florida played a key role – that’s not a good thing, by the way.  We also have infinite acronyms thanks to our cellular phones, so get really to learn a whole new language btw!  OMFG, there I go again….shit.

As for sports – oh you’ll love this and will also never believe it!  The Tampa Bay Buccaneers won the Super Bowl in 2002!  Yep, that’s right!  Our creamsicle crusaders change the unis, start winning, get a new stadium, and finally win it all…well, after the coach who built the team got fired.  And the Tampa Bay Lightning won the Stanley Cup in 2004, and reached it again in 2015, but lost to the Blackhawks.  Crazy thing is, the MVP of the Bolts for 2004 played for the Blackhawks in the 2015 finals!  Tampa Bay’s baseball team made it to the World Series in 2008, but lost to the Philadelphia Phillies after a snow delay!

That’s really what you need to know at this time…anything else and I risk damaging the timeline.  I will say this…between 2010 and 2012, watch your ass!  Also, keep and eye on that foot and yes, love will find you…and maybe it’ll watch you from a distance, too.  Who knows?

That’s all!  Please, please, do me two favors:  take the internship in Dalton, and graduate now so other things aren’t such a pain.


The 2015 Me.

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