Sharing a little confusion about love


I try to avoid going off on rants about love, mainly because I am so very cynical on the subject.  Yes, I’ve been married over 18 years, but the fact is that love and I are not on a first name basis, so I do what I can to avoid discussing the topic.

For a moment, I’m going to indulge myself a walk in of the shadow of death here, at least from my perspective.

I have felt unrequited love so many times in my life, I’m starting to think the crossroads along the journey should have overpasses.  Crushes are something I am well-seasoned in dealing with, and I’ve learned they actually have educational value.  Unrequited love is not quite like a crush, yet it retains much of the same educational value in that it reminds us that blood still pumps through our veins, and that blood can burn bright with passion and euphoria, even if but for a fraction of a second in cosmic terms.

When I’ve felt the rush of that moment, or was as though someone had jump started me, sending undulating waves of energy through my bring straight to the core of my soul.  Call it what you want; karma, kismet, destiny, soulmate, twin soul, it’s all the same rush and familiar yearning for passion and that one true home we seek.  Unfortunately, that is when it’s at its most dangerous.

The human heart is remarkably resilient, yet amazing in its fragility.  My heart has ached for years on end, wishing for loves and partners which simply were not to be.  Marital status matters not in affairs of the heart; but it must be given consideration for no other reason than social norms.  That said, this is not a morality judgment of fidelity or marriage, but rather acknowledging its place in civilized decorum.  The heart, and its associated passions, is rarely civilized.

But I digress.

My ultimate, albeit circuitous, point is that I am no stranger to the pain of unrequited love, but I am learning to understand its place in my life.  It is a great teacher.  It educates using a long-view approach.  For every wound, there is healing and a lesson to be learned.  Some of us learn our priorities, while others learn we are not meant for marriage, and still others discover they are meant for children but not a spouse.  Some of us learn that marriage is of the moment, while some of us learn to accept or role and place and that the one we feel and know is true for us may not be intended for this life, but is there as a comforting reminder they exist.

As for me, I’ll just keep learning and hope I may have some answers to my own questions.  For today, I felt it appropriate to share some of my confusion.  Thank you for indulging.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s