The last few weeks have been super serious and dearly draining for me. I had begun to actually considering hanging up the keyboard for a while to deal with some personal issues which had been nagging me, when this gem of a comment came in about my commentary about Walker County, Georgia and Donald Trump. This particular comment, submitted by respectfully alert citizen Lynn Otting, who was kind enough to remind everyone who reads this blog that it is, indeed, not credible . This is the actual quote, without editing.
Your article may have been worth reading, if it writing wasnt so biased. Comparing sole commissioners to Donald Trump makes very little sense. Just because you think he would be like President Obama, doesn’t make it true, now or in the future. Therefore, when you made comparisons of the them running government the same way, your ethics were seriously compromised.
Ordinarily, I would let this sort of a comment go without a full-blown response. Hell, I’ve let many things go in my life, mostly out of a lack of desire to engage in battles which have no logically good conclusion, short of watching my brain cells explode like gnats near a bug lite. This however, rises to the level of such insults as “birther” and “emotional black hole,” and demands a response, so here is my “official comment” to this particular shot across my writing bow.
Dear Ms. Otting:
Thank you for reading my blog. It is my intent to make this blog entertaining and fun for everyone to the best of my ability. Unfortunately, this requires I often use “facty” information, which is usually far from factual. For example, Donald Trump’s hairdo is believed to be derived from the trimmings of a deranged longhaired dog, possibly a Golden Retriever, but that is not yet confirmed. However, this being said, that qualifies said assertion as “facty.” It also is a completely satirical statement, meaning it was likely made up for the entertainment value of the audience.
As Dave Barry once said, “Humor is funny.” He also said once that “Richard Nixon wearing a neck weasel is funny.” I refuse to degrade the elegantly non-weaseled High Potentate and Eternal Leader Bebe Heiskell with such infantile platitudes, but the “facty” information remains that she has proven, time and again, to be capable of such amazing feats of skill as securing a loan on monies which allegedly “exist,” but now don’t. Only the Americus City government appears to possess this level of prestidigitation aplomb when it comes to figuring out how to keep citizen comments from being heard during meetings (waiting for several of my readers to look up “prestidigitation” – hint: think “done with mirrors.”). As Walker County is far more capable of hiding government errors behind mountainous terrain than Americus is – mainly because the closest thing they have a mountain there is a the giant dome at my alma mater (Go Canes!) – we would expect the Eternal Leader to rise from her perch, falcon like, and impale her mighty talons into all her enemies, vanquishing them immediately, except for those who support Trump.
Finally, this blog is solely intended for the entertainment of our audience. Any rebroadcast, retransmission to other galaxies far away to fight wars long, long ago will be met with swift and complete retribution from President Barack Obama’s platoon of highly trained and loyal spin doctors, ready to fall on their swords for Hillary Rodham Wilkes-Barre Scranton Hazleton Clinton at a moment’s notice. Again, thank you for your readership, and keep spreading my delusion.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you wrap and insult in a compliment, and shove it down someone’s throat! Until this comment, I had considered leaving the writing area entirely, finding a deserted island, and hoping a clone of Mira Furlan from Lost would appear. Instead, I received that comment, and was compelled, for the sake for Pastafarians across the globe, to return to the humor/satire grindstone, and do my best to educate humanity so that when the aliens or flying spaghetti god comes, the first words out of our leader’s mouth aren’t “you’re fired.” I now realize this blog is a sacred trust, and I trust that it shall eventually become sacred.
Okay, you can all stop laughing at that now. Seriously.