Over the past few months, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things and I realized that there are so many inspirational memes and blog posts out there, we need to balance it out. Here are some pieces of wisdom I have picked up along the way. I promise to be gentle but I do warn you, it’s gonna be a little rough in spots. Of course I do this out of love. I want all my readers to love life and laugh, because I honestly can’t locate my medication and I’m not entirely convinced that the Affordable Care and Patient Patent Pending Pharmaceutical Usury Protection Act (MRSA) will do the job. Crap, I digressed already? New record. Away we go:
- That dream you have of a fairy tale romance is about as likely as a full reboot of Firefly.
- Remember those CDs you loaned out ten years ago? Pawned.
- Your significant other did eat the last Twinkie and smoke the last cigarette, but they still blamed the dog. Worse still, they believe it.
- Hillary isn’t Palpatine. No, Luke, she is his mother. “Soooooooo??!!”
- Game of Thrones is only big because people don’t want to admit they like soft core porn to go with brutal battle scenes and deaths. You may March me naked to my beheading now.
- That roach you killed yesterday? There’s 300 gazillions where it came from, and they’re all saying “that’s cute.”
- A cat can be indifferent towards you for hours at time, which means they are qualified to run for congress at 5 years old. Funnier still they’d probably do a better job.
- I could drop a million cuss words in this particular sentence and nobody would remember the rest of this post because, let’s face it, profanity is what we remember, asswipe.
- No one man can kill your dreams unless you allow him. Of course, staying alive is a dream too many so technically…..crap, didn’t think that one through.
- Bigotry is bad, unless your cat is racist against vermin. I don’t know of anyone who would have trouble with a cat killing a mouse because, well, it’s a mouse.
- If your Christmas tree is up all year round, you’re either lazy or Floridian. We just do things different.
- The last one should always shut out the lights, unless the second to last is staying to seduce the last. See, there’s an exception to every rule of you look hard enough.
- Forget about true love…focus on finding a truly good cook who enjoys making food for you and laughs at your worst jokes. Male or female. I couldn’t go the whole blog without genuine wisdom.
- Smile even if your annoyed because, let’s face it, looking like a serial killer does have its advantages.
Feel free to meme the living fucking shit out of this blog post. See, I saved the most memorable passage for last.