It has become more common than ever before for people to assume the worst in each other. It’s easy to think that, because someone disagrees with you, that makes said person the devil incarnate. One area we see this happening is when friendships begin to disintegrate over simple misunderstandings.
The human heart is a funny thing and ego plays a huge part in it. Too often we allow our feelings to get the better of us not because it’s what we know in our heart is the right thing to do, but because that devilish little angel sitting on our shoulders is saying “who cares what they think, this is about you! You! You! You!” That nasty imp just loves to stir up trouble, doesn’t it? Here’s a little shocker for you, and you might not like this.
That imp isn’t the devil – it’s your shadow side coming out.
There’s an old saying that God created good and evil to work to his own end. Well, if that’s true, doesn’t that mean that evil is something the Almighty uses to serve an end? Evil is described by Obi Wan Kenobi as being seen from “a certain point of view.” So, if we go with that bit of Star Wars canon, much of our problems depend greatly on our point of view. Which brings us back around to friendship.
It’s easy to be “done” with friends for major things, and rightfully so. Unpaid debts, property theft, disregard for ones person all perfectly valid reasons to be done. After that, it comes back to point of view. If someone talks about you to another friend and you get wind of it and are offended, think about how many times you did that with others. If you are one who believes in karma, this is karma doing its job. If you love someone only to have your heart broken, think back to whose heart you’ve broken. You’ll find correlations at almost every point.
Of course, that’s when the shadow side likes to come out scream me, me, me, me, ME! It’s all about ME!
Our shadow sides like to think they are justified when they treat people, especially friends and family, like crap. Who do they think they are, telling us how to live our life? Who are they to tell us who is best for us? What right do they have suggesting courses of action? It’s all about me.
Honestly, if you really value their input, they have every right in the word to offer input, but no right to dictate. If they dictate, then you can be done with them. If they suggest or explain, listening does go a long way to heal a rift.
Why do I say this? Because we all make that mistake and we look back and wish we could throttle that little imp. I wish I could tell mine where to go then, but I had to suffer profound loss to learn. I only hope those whose friendships I’ve lost because of that side of me coming out to play will one day forgive me. It was not an easy lesson to learn.
Of course profound learning comes from profound pain.