We interrupt this coffee sipping moment to review the current election cycle’s situation.
(choking…catching our breath)
Okay, that’s better! That’s what you get when you read headlines about Donald Trump’s taxes, the New York Times actually admitting it was wrong about Hillary Clinton (yes, that’s what caused the choking fit because that meant the Earth really is to crash into the Sun) and how Florida State lost to North Carolina this past week. All these should have come with warning labels of some sort, and that brings along a thought which has been rattling around in the crawlspace of my head for the past few days.
Politicians and political parties are so quick to demand regulations and disclaimers on things, why can’t they themselves have disclaimers? A warning label about carbon emissions, or toxic words, or waste product spewing from the mouth? The old joke about politicians wearing sponsor logos like race car drivers do is still not too far from the truth but let’s take it a step further and examine some prominent politicians, parties, and candidates for a moment and apply the appropriate disclaimer or warning label to them.
DEMOCRATIC PARTY DISCLAIMER: The candidate presented does not reflect the views of the electorate of the party itself. The candidate could exhibit systems of fatigue and stress during the campaign, some of them disturbing such as deleted emails, missing staffers, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, laughing and sleeping with her husband.
REPUBLICAN PARTY DISCLAIMER: The candidate presented does reflect the views of the party itself, but in no way is reflective of the grass roots background of our voters. The candidate may also exhibit symptoms of campaign stress, such as above-average obnoxious behavior, bombast, and boisterous. The candidate is also known to repeat himself frequently; patience is advised.
HILLARY CLINTON WARNING LABEL: Prone to looking like an icicle on stage, semi-psychotic off stage, and is prone to violent outbursts when the words “Benghazi,” “Emails,” and “Monica” are mentioned.
DONALD TRUMP WARNING LABEL: Prone to using words such as “great,” “amazing,” and “smart” excessively. Possesses an inflated sense of his own importance. May avoid paying taxes.
DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ WARNING LABEL: Contents past their expiration date. Please replace with new version as soon as possible and upgrade internal data to reflect accurate reporting and remove desire to interfere with results.
TED CRUZ WARNING LABEL: Contents prone to shifting position. Handle with care.
MITCH McCONNELL LABEL: Contents may not be as advertised on screen. Buyer beware.
BARACK OBAMA WARNING LABEL: Contents under extreme pressure. May or not perform as expected.
SARAH PALIN WARNING LABEL: Please lock away when not in use. Keep in a cool dry place away from trees, bears, and snowmachine operators. Store away from firearms.
CHRIS MATTHEWS WARNING LABEL: Prone to underperformance. Manage your expectations.
MIKE PENCE WARNING LABEL: Read label carefully. New model, still in development.
TIM KAINE WARNING LABEL: Read label carefully. Model incomplete, despite being available for use for many years.
JOE BIDEN WARNING LABEL: Unstable contents. Do not expose to sunlight.
BILL CLINTON WARNING LABEL: Keep away from women. Prone to misuse.
AL SHARPTON WARNING LABEL: Do not use while near a camera. Prone to excessive limelight absorption.
RUSH LIMBAUGH WARNING LABEL: Contains high concentrations of bombast and hyperbole. Use with a grain of salt.
MY WARNING LABEL: May spout off at the mouth. Prone to frequent sarcasm and use of inappropriate humor. Neither conservative or liberal.