Today is NFL Championship Sunday. Of course this means the New England Patriots host the Pittsburgh Steelers in the AFC Championship while the Atlanta Falcons host the Green Bay Packers for the NFC Championship, and 3/4ths of the country will not give a flying crap except to see if their checking account is still intact or has been drained of all discernable life.
I could not go through today without weighing in about this day with the help of my cats. Max, Annabella, Bentley and Rex have all provided their particular predictions on who will win today’s contest by way of their behaviors which, through my amazing powers of feeding them and changing their litter, will attempt to interpret.
Max: When I mention the Atlanta Falcons, Max makes a bizarre chirping noise which sounds like a cross between a cricket and dinosaur in mating season. That would correspond well to the sound a Packers fan makes when they had one too many Miller Lite cans. Prediction: Packers win by 3 belches…and a field goal.
Annabella: My youngest cat has very little idea about football, but she likes bright colors. Sadly, no team has any bright colors so she goes for the team which tosses the ball around the most. Prediction: Falcons lose but throw the ball a lot (which is why they lose.)
Bentley: My oldest cat really don’t give a flying shit about who wins becuase, as far he’s concerned, they are all genetically inferior to him. Based on that assessment, we are going to assume he is a Pats fan today. Prediction: Patriots win and protests ensue.
Rex: The weirdest cat we own likes to bark like dog, and that means zilch today. The Georgia Dome will also be rendered meaningless today, as well the Steelers. Prediction: Falcons win and so do the Patriots, and they both jump like little boys and girls around the respective trophies.
Now, my Super Bowl matchup prediction, based on the level of stink in my home after a recently collective crapping by all cats, is the Atlanta Falcons vs. the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LI: Embrace the Stink and Make the NFL Great Again with Alternative Super Bowls.
Have fun and drink one for me.