I gotta get back in the laughing saddle today. Between the shock and sadness of my fathers passing and getting my reprinted edition of “A 38 Education” published, it would be easy to let myself sulk in a vat of negativity.
Guess again. I’m gonna grab the dog tags of humor and, in true Top Gun fashion, I’m going to say “talk to me, dad.” Naturally, there is a method to my madness, akin to President Donald “Stop the Witch Hunt” Trump first saying stop the witch hunt, then being willing to walk headlong into said witchhunt like some crazed headless chicken. Of course, this totally related to my hometown once again being ground zero for weird.
Tampa, my hometown, has been inundated with insanity this week, and I’m not just talking about Trump stumping for GOP gubernatorial candidate Ron “De” Santis. Nope, at the Trump rally, supporters of an online movement called QAnon made their appearance, and they behaved in typical conspiracy enthusiast fashion; wearing t-shirts, mocking dissenters, and claiming Trump was being targeted by the so-called Deep State (Alex Jones references per capita – 1 bazillion). For those who arent into conspiracy theories, politics, or simply have a functional cerebral cortex, QAnon is allegedly run by an anonymous government official who claims to have working knowledge of the Deep State, the Illuminati, the Rothschilds, the Clinton and – most shocking of all – all future name changes for IHOP. Its followers range from millenials to ancient fossilized politicians but they all have one thing in common – an unyielding desire to know where and who Q is.
Of course, me being of Star Trek fandom, I am reluctant to disclose that this is not only a potential ripoff of John DeLancie’s character Q, but that if Q really does exist, why be anonymous? Could it really be DeLancie and that all this is just a actual omnipotent being’s way of having fun with actual “useful idiots?” Though highly unlikely, could this being be the true puppet master behind such ghastly things as Nutella, the Wonderbra, Squidbillies, the Paris Hilton sex tape, and snarky, troll-like comments on non political blog posts?
Sounds like Q, or maybe D, or T. The continuum is endless, after all.
What’s even more concerning is the fact that Tom Cruise, the erstwhile actor in the erotic flop Magnolia and the semi erotic auto flop Days of Thunder, is reportedly relocating to the Davidian wing of the House of Scientology, located in sunny Clearwater, Florida. Being only a stone’s throw away from the picturesque St Petersburg Sewage Treatment Plant, one can only wonder what will happen at his first major press conference after formalizing his relocation.
For what it’s worth, I hope my dad possesses him for a few hours and puts a drill bit through his finger. Same for QAnon, though dad would be more apt to possess the device of internet trolls and force direct their browsing history to Britney Spears videos for laughs